talking about ancient link

发表于2009/10/16由GloriaYuYANG
sunday when i was at the crowded apple center, taking out my laptop, someone was in suprise: is that the 12-inch one?  i replied, yes man, it is THE ancient legend.
i just adore my 6-yr old mac pro, even it was still in the status of vegetable.
 
tonight i dug up my notebook where i used to jot down my thoughts, inspirations and long stories.  years ago i have began to write my stories in another blog and 2 years ago that blog site crushed about 6 yrs of writing just gone without a trace.  and today i have to pick up the pen again and handwrite any possible plot, episod, script i might have, just like yrs ago, i wrote the first chapter of that long story.  when i went through what i wrote for those years, i felt nostalgic, of course, and i could see me more clearly from a distance.
 
when i was 20, i wrote about the epilogue of the long story as being 40, have had an ex-husband, a daughter, and a person I love and live with, and a secret.
when i was 20, i wrote about going to tokyo with a small suitcase, empty hands and a pair of skinny jeans in my 25.
when i was 20, i was always clinged to my loneliness, my seemlingly hurt wounds from the past, and my fancy fairy tales between prince and cinderella.
i don’t even have the courage to read stories written before 20….    a lot of things are changed and something still not changed
 
but that young girl has gone, finally i realized.
sitting here, with all of the stories, I felt like an old woman already
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a raining day

发表于2009/10/16由GloriaYuYANG
I went to the lecture by a big name in the jpnse art history.  it was an intersting lecture, although i had two little question marks on two little things.  one more personal comments regarding to her "fansy" interpretation that why much of the work on the Liao dynasty art has been done by the japense scholars during the colonial period.  According to her, it is because some sort of ancient connections with liao back to the Heian period: "the landscape just looked like yamato valley." As someone who happens to be in exactly this period and this field, I have to point out that her naive answer reveals her limitations which represent most of the pre-modern art historians in that japanese art, that they always look for some ancient links that are "unchange" and ignore the nature of history/memory/discourse itself is constructed rathen than a left-over. Various architectural and art investigations of the Liao dynasty on the Liao territory by japanese scholars in the colonial period are not some naive, romantic internal callings from the ancient period, but are rather rational exploration and construction of the rhetoric of a "manchurian" identity that is part of the colonial political policy in general.  her comments reflect another trend in the recent studies of Manchuria of Japanese scholars, namely, to romantize the historical facts in order to fabricate a nostalgic discourse, which by nature should be alerted.
 
today’s visit of MET was a sweeter.  Two paintings, the Riverbank, the one I did not understand why so much controversy around it, when I saw the real thing, I immediatly understand, and I hated that painting; it is such a modern forgery to me.  the sketchy rock, of course it does not fix into the Song logic, because it is done through the light and shades drawing, completely a western sketch!  another painting, Li Cheng’s Donky Rider, I hated it when I saw it from the book and it looked forgery to me.  but when I saw the real thing.  I was STUNNED. it is truly a MASTER PIECE, it is simple but complicated in the same time to un-imaginable degree…..  I LOVE IT.
 
also embarrasing episodes always happened to me when facing CP, I did not know how to write the traditional character of "shou," the long life one.  of course I know how to read the traditional one, but when come to writing, I became an idiot again, in front of everyone.  but this time I did not mind any more.  Just check it from the dictionary and make sure I can write it next time. 
but it is still uncomfortable when some one came to me saying "it is embarassing, isn’t?" what’s your problem with me?
it was raining and freezing, and i almost cried on the street when i walked out of the MET without a coat or umbrella.
 
Recently I have been thinking about my "comp" what fields should I incorporate, and what profs should i talk to, and what language should i study.  I really fell love with Italian architecture recently, and I am thinking of taking Italian instead of German.   
 
Modern japanese architecture, Pre-modern Japanese art, Japanese History, Romanesque Architecture, modernism in 19C architecture, Chinese painting and calligraphy, Chinese history… too many choices, too many path need to build.
be patient, one by one.
 
in today’s TA class, a stupid ABC kid sitting next to me, in the first row, right in front of the professor, fell asleep again, every single time she sit in the same position fell asleep every single time; the only 5 minutes when she was awake she was checking with her iphone.  what happened to present kids? if you are stupid, at least try to work hard and be humble. and oh I can tell you young kid, you are much more stupid than you have thought of others. i am gonna kick you out next time: be prepared for a storm from the witched TA.
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Mr. Luck

发表于2009/10/15由GloriaYuYANG
I always admire YY; she works as a lawyer for a famous artist and studies as a perfect grad. Student who handles everything perfectly: turns in the paper far before the deadline, does the presentation intimidating complete and good and always finishes all the readings with thoughtful comments.  She presents her paper in Scotland, publishes her paper in U.S and receives abundant external funding as a rare case of Master candidate.  Tons of professors want her to be their PhD and tons of professors’ advice her not to waste her Law degree by going to the PhD.  Beside work, she has this Asian-gene that makes her an always 20 yr face, a smile that naturally warms her friends while scares her enemies away.  She is a professional violinist, speaks at least four languages plus Latin and a bi-lingual of Japanese and English.  She does everything professionally; nothing will be off her schedule.  I have met her boyfriend who is absolutely a sweet-heart.  even GP, the most emotional person on this planet could not pick out anything against her and indeed, he relies much on her to socialize with everyone, yes, she is that perfect and strong.  I know everyday she handles great pressure from work, life and studies but I have never sense any weakness, not even a crack.  Beyond all the greatness, she is the person I complained about my homework and shared my stress and frustration. 
 
I am still writing in English, meaning I did not get my laptop fixed. Still no time for it. 
 
Sunday and Monday and Tuesday I have been crazy reading GP’s book, a whole book of really dense information, and I have to memorize everything to get ready for the Wed. Class.  I have three TA sessions from Mon. to Wed. in which I had to talk, answer questions and lead students’ thoughts.  Beyond the above work, Monday I finished grading students’ drawings and prepared every sheet for their sessions; Tuesday night when I was in Avery I found out the only copy was thrown in the copy room without the reserve slip in it: who idiot did this disastrous thing! And actually I kind of knew; for the first time I sent out a group email saying please stop being selfish and doing stupid things. 
 
Wed. AM2:00 I sent out emails regarding proposals of final paper topic to my two professors although I had NO CLUE of what I am going to write about; AM9:50 finished two Japanese essays, each of 1200 words, and run to classes from 10:35 to 7:10PM.  The noon class was really frustrating: although we did all of the book but only even a word was mentioned in class: oh, that’s not true, one sentence did mention it, "we will not talk about it at all and we will just skip it entirely although you wasted your time on reading it."  WE WASTED THE ENTIRE WEEK AND THE REASON WE DID SO WAS BECAUSE IT WAS ON THE SYLLABUS.  It is ok I work as a dog, but it is really frustrating when efforts are just dismissed that easy.  I have tons of other readings and a PAPER TO WRITE before Friday my Lord!  Also in class, GP’s perfectionist mode operated again and everyone suffered from it. 
 
Oh, how can I forget about this Monday, what I did after the tiring TA session?  I went to the opening of our new VMC center, and after the chairman’s speech and patron’s family’s talk, I got SUPER DRUNK in two hours, with delicious food and really good white wine.  I did not remember, or did not want to remember what I chatted with people I barely know, or with strangers.  I must have been very strange; the only word I remembered about talking with various people is "stressful" everyone….. 8PM I got home and had a nap.  10:30PM to 2AM continued with my reading. 
 
Back to Wed. 7:40PM, I finally could go to Avery and do some of my work and check emails.  "and his name is Luke!"  I typed this name as "Luck" in an email to my dept. Chairman, what possibility of mistakes I can make…. really I have really bad luck with him…every single time.
Today my TA partner said to me that I always looked cheerful.  really? Then I figured out why: because I always keep a smile.  I have this habit that the worse situation I am in, the sunnier smile I put on my face.  9:30PM got out of Avery back home, heated up some curry for food, and talked with Chi on phone.
Best friends are the people who always naturally crack you up.  No need to make jokes, no need to make efforts to comfort people, only the existences and every simple word saved me from sliding into depression. 
I am going to bed.  Tomorrow I am going to MET class in the morning, to the architecture class in the afternoon and to the Avery at night.  Friday early morning I have two appointments with Profs. One Museum mandatory visit in the early afternoon, and I hope I can board on the flight that will take me to a warmer place for the weekend.  But right now, that is still uncertain. Wish me luck
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an economic measurment of stress

发表于2009/10/14由GloriaYuYANG
I spent 750 dollars on one thing last Sunday.
I spent 350 dollars on another thing last Friday.
I will spend 200 dollars on another thing this Saturday.
I have to spend 400 dollars on another thing next Monday.
I think my stress and pressure can be mesuared by the amount of money I spend on things, and the period of time that lasted between the moment I wanted to buy and the moment I pay the money.
 
question still remain: how can i spend so much money?  where can I get the money for such an amount? 
going crazy a little bit.
 
 
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a little more housing keeping

发表于2009/10/11由GloriaYuYANG
Friday was tiring… 6 hours in MET, moving from storage to gallery to balcony, talking to show off knowledge, to avoid daggers, to get around with GP, colleagues.  I was so tired……
compared to other people, i don’t ask any questions related to life at all: when was the situation when you were a grad, who is that, did she/he has a story with whom…. i never asked but kept silence.  once someone asked me: that’s because you just don’t care, right, you don’t give a shit to anyone except yourself right?
that’s not true.  I used to ask questions, and i am still curious about human beings.  however, i don’t know the division within the personal domin; which area is "expected to be asked" and which one is "forbidden city," among two I chose not to ask anything unless people tell me.  but people are always suprised when they find out I am the only person who follows up the stories, namely, I did listen.
friday went to bed around 12, and got up at almost 11 on Sat.  Went to Urasenkei, the Sato place in the upper east side but unfortunately i did not relax too much. 
this weekend is study weekend, i have to finish a lot, a lot of works….. started to cook, to do my laundry and prepare to read half of a book before go to bed.
then i got burned on my figer and arm when trying to handle the stove. it’s not funny even i tried to cool the pain down.
therefore, i decided to give up the reading and do some movies tonight.
tomorrow going to the apple store.
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House Keeping things

发表于2009/10/08由GloriaYuYANG
My computer is still deadly dead, but I was able to get an appointment on Sunday to see the problems;
I am thinking of getting a PIANO for myself;
Actually without my computer, these two weeks I felt happier than before: i got a little spare time to clean up my room and to cook if i really want to, and MUCH more time to read.  the laptop i borrowed from my "shijie" made me able to catch up with the paperwork.
still extremely busy, busy, deep down in the Avery basement every night, working until the library closes.  Read piles of articles and books, trying to absorb as much as I can.  Many books I have been busy reading for the past month seemed to work: I became able to level the ground and to explore new topics for my paper topics.
still, i haven’t made my travel plan for the next week to Austin, not even the flight ticket.  I haven’t decided if i should go or not, hesitation never does me good…….but i kind of not want to go b/c time, money and shame of my immature status…………
i wrote a long email to Frank last Saturday, full of stories that proved I could be "an honest and bitchy person with a mouth of hurting truth."
today’s calligraphy class went well.  as a student, it is not important to give a good answer, but to be INSPIRED during the class: to realize/get to know something new is the task for reading books, but to open up mind is the task for going to class.  That is also a creteria for a good teacher; not to fill the room but to open the window, a job that many people failed.  I was quite lucky that i have met several good teachers since my primary school, one for each period. 
I went to the fencing on Wed. and Yoga last sunday, very good for health.
money issue: i have been consciously not looking at my credit card bills or checking accounts because I don’t know how to deal with them.  I decided, at the very beginning of this semester, to be a selfish girl that if i ran out of money i will just shameless ask my dad.  previous lessons taught me that even i painstakingly calculated every penny i still end up crying to my dad asking for money with guilt anyway. but so far, everything went pretty good, to my surprise, my credit card debts since the summer japan trip is a lot but still manageable and my checking account for the first time, has more than 100 dollars on it. 
and, i am thinking of a winter retreat weekend in Feb. either to Australia or Hawaii again.
strongly recommend a book MOTEL OF MYSTERIES, full of illustrations, HILARIOUS!!!!!  for the following two years, i will send the book to every friend as their birthday present; see how eccentric and stubborn can I be!

ok, finally i am ready to write a long, tedious blog entry in Chinese on a school computer.

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update: the first bat on the field

发表于2009/10/07由GloriaYuYANG
my computer is still dead, i mean, VERY dead. because i havent sent it to the apple store.
i had a busy weekend, as i planned. 
Since last Thursday i began to revise my paper; a 20 pages full of craps on a school computer.  Friday morning I went to school to continue the paper until 10:15AM then went a visit to upper west side looking at some "collection," my eyes now can discern the very best and the very worthless works.  1pm back to compus working on my paper, 2:30pm halt a texi to penn station, 3:00pm the bolt bus left for Boston.
It was a long, uncomfortable trip, but i managed to get a little rest.  At 7:40pm arrived at Boston south station, hugging Hao.
Boston is different from New York.  Boston people they live a life, whereas New York people they performance a show.  Boston people in their jeans and big hoody, happy and content, whereas me, in a pair of jeans with black shirt and black jacket was the most drssy person on the whole train.  I love Boston.
went to Chinatown for a dinner with Hao. He has not changed a lot, and I realized my character was really bad a couple years ago. 
boston is a more livable place than new york, having nice apts at a reasonable price.  large windows and space.  I borrowed Hao’s computer and worked on my paper until 2AM.
I got up at 5:20AM on Sat., got out of the door at 6:05AM and found out it was raining.  without an umbrella, I was runing to the station covered by my jacket.  6:30 to the south station, and 6:45 the first train heading to brown university, I was in my suit dress all wet.
but i had a nice breakfast on the train and went over my presentation again.
7:50 Brown university station; heavy rain. the ladies who shared with me the ride happened to be art historians; one at harvard one at MFA and it turned out we both have common colleagues: what a small world…. 
i thought it was a grad. student conference but actually there were mainly young scholars and grad students in their last year wrapping up the dissertation; i was the youngest one.  although i felt that i should have come here especially in my panel, there was one assistant prof, one grad student wrapping her dissertation and one post-doc, i managed to give an coherent presentation. it was a little embarrasing when i received a namecard with only replied with "sorry i didnot have any" words.
the roundtable after my session, was definitely the highlight of the whole conference: it was on the modern japanese architecture.  listening to young scholars’ recent projects and their discussions assured me that the world is big: I stuck in new york busy polishing myself but i forgot that the world needs me to open up my mind and think out of the box.  the prof. from gerogetown univ, he is just so so bright! i was very very happy after a whole morning’s sessions.
12:40pm I left the conference, changed to jeans and dashed in pouring rain to kennedy plaza, my flat shoes were soaked, and me too.
anyway, i was totally wet, and got on the peter-pan bus heading back to nyc. on my way back, i wrote Frank a long, long email, full of my tubulous emotions.
 
back to town at 5, back to apt at 5:50, got a shower and changed to dress.  nyc had a sunshine late afternoon.  I went downtown to join Jia and Olivia, who came all the way up for birthday, and for her man.  Until  the entrance I noticed that "A Steady Rain" not only featured Hugh Jackman but also Dennial Craig. 
it was a great show, very powerful performance.  thanks to Jia, I was able to enjoy a really nice show.
i havent seen Olivia for two years, during which we both changed a lot, both in life and work.  we experienced a lot of new things, and we all did something unexpected in our vision of future when we were in college.  and right now we sit together sipping cocktails randomly talking and laughing, isn’t that wonderful?
 
Sunday I had a slow start: getting up at 1pm.  went a movie with Jessica, haven’t seen her for 5 months.  she was doing her best in nyc.  the german movie "Everyone Else" selected for the nyc film festival was a sweet candy.
Monday I had classes.  I went for dinner with Olivia and Jia and Xiangnan and spent the night at her place, play cards, chatting, and playing with two dogs. 
Today I woke up at 730 and did a little reading in sofa and fell asleep again and got up at 10AM, Olivia left around 3 but it seemed to take her 3 hours to get to the JFK…  I was grading all the drawings and attenting classes and sitting in the library until 11pm to finish half of the readings.
and now, I am going to finish the other half of the homework and hopefully i can go to bed around 2.
my laptop is still deadly dead, but my lovely shijie borrowed me her spared one, i am so lucky to have a nice shiji, finally, after so many years.
from monday i have been receving crazy news: laid-off, broke-up, sacred union, reality is tough. 
 
 
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a schematic life

发表于2009/10/02由GloriaYuYANG
tomorrow is another day.
so true.
the night i thought i would go crazy when pulling up a whole night, i went to bed at 3 in the morning, much earlier than I thought. 
I went to bed around 1:40 this morning, which was also much earlier than I thought.  and although i was still not able to give a correct answer in class this morning, i felt much calmer than usual when i would stress out completely immediately.  got my monthly check for the Sept, 664 dollars: how can a human being survive with that amount of money in new york?  had a lunch with Jon and he showed me the seminary library: there was a reason why he was my another favorite person in my dept.  I got a small package from Frank’s sweet mom, in which were two chocolates.  had a nap at home and called the apple center.  At the same time, i decided to buy a netbook even I might be able to save my lovely, old mac book. it’s time to pile up the credit debts.  the afternoon architecture TA class was as usual too: i played my role as an Asian delicate doll, sometimes it’s interesting to see people’s reaction to that. a couple of years ago who would think of me with the word "delicate?" and i am still not, as my buddies know.  deception.  deception.  deception.
730pm, classes ended.  now sitting in the school library working on a 10-page paper need to be done by tonight 12.  after that i am gonna have a late dinner before go to bed.
tomorrow i am gonna take a connoisseurship trip to the upper west side in the morning and a presentation trip to Boston in the afternoon.  hope a really relaxing night in Boston.
the day after tomorrow i will take the first morning train for about an hour heading to my work and then take a four-hour bus back to manhattan that afternoon. time for a sat. night party.
the day after the day after tomorrow i am gonna fix my computer and buy a new netbook, with which i am gonna write two dept reports.  oh how can i forgot grading those drawings!

why i have been stressed and have a hard time with my studies whereas everyone else seems handling it perfectly?
Is my IQ that low? or am I a stubborn perfectionist?  
no, and no.
Song dynasty painting and Kano school paintings are the most prominent fields in the Chinese and Japanese art history, which means great difficulty, tons of literature and their nearly mysterious nature.  Even for an experienced expert in these fields, the more one read, the more confusing one could get.  Moreover, the connoisseurship problem could always, and have been killing the state of the field since the very beginning. 
These two fields are distinctive from each other, so is the architectural drawings.  Therefore, my ambition to master these independent fields plus pre-modern Japanese history in this semester seems too hard, especially considering I am taking western architecture too.  also too many classes took up the time that should be spent in the library browsing over books to get ideas for the final papers.
when i have tons of work, any small event in my personal life could effect me tremendously, from a laundry card to a laptop.
the good things are, i dont have time to seriously upset with bitches, or to cry like a real doll. and, i made more plans than before.
tomorrow is another day.

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life without a laptop

发表于2009/10/01由GloriaYuYANG
My laptop crushed last night, right after I have done all the work but just before I sent it to my email account.  So i lost everything but I had to redo everything before today’s morning classes. 
so I redid everything and hand-wrote the essay assignment for my Japanese class, 1000 words.
and today even the almost perfect work I have done was bitten by one of my colleagues; some people just can be that bitchy and twisty. can you people, just be once in your lifetime trying to be nice to a person who just had a tragic event and miserable day, can you just not bite out of your bitchiness and selfishness?
well, i guess since short guys never grew up, the bitches never see peace in this world.

i have been trying to be a sunshine sweet-heart.  today, i felt depressed. 
I have a long night here, down in the library for today, and tomorrow i have tons of other things waiting me to do, WITHOUT A LAPTOP.  now i can live a life without the "interruption" of computer…..  why don’t i take the laptop to the apple store to fix it?
BECAUSE SIMPLY I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR IT, i have two days whole of classes then i am heading to Boston on Friday night, not until Sunday i can take a breath and then start the new round of readings, as well as the new round of grading their drawings.

by this Tuesday, i ran out of clean clothes, by this Tuesday, i ran out of my computer and all data, and by today I ran out of faith.
the only good thing on this earth is the things i am reading and learning are interesting, otherwise i am gonna die.

complains are complains, i have to be stronger and tougher to myself, there is no other way to survive.
handle it, day by day.
from now on, probably for a month, i will live a life out of computer.  why one month?
because I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR IT.  stop asking stupid questions.

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职业道德

发表于2009/09/29由GloriaYuYANG
在美国大学中心被围墙圈起来又无数人来看的大概就那么一个，戏称yard。在这圈子里生活着无数大牛，头脑无比聪明学习无比勤奋刻苦性格又老神在在的。
大牛们都有一条守则，每天学习12小时是常态，而少于8小时是不道德的。
已经没空去后悔在大学以及pitt浪费的那么多时间。我要做个遵守职业道德的人。
每天至少工作8小时。
每个暑假都去上语言班，直到学会德语法语和意大利语为止。
健康生活，远离电脑及网络。如果一定要晚睡的话就一定要晚起。要把意志养成习惯。
青春短暂。一转眼都25岁下半局了，还是无安打无上垒呢。
我28岁的时候，想要一架钢琴放在自己的公寓里。

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