the night i thought i would go crazy when pulling up a whole night, i went to bed at 3 in the morning, much earlier than I thought.
I went to bed around 1:40 this morning, which was also much earlier than I thought. and although i was still not able to give a correct answer in class this morning, i felt much calmer than usual when i would stress out completely immediately. got my monthly check for the Sept, 664 dollars: how can a human being survive with that amount of money in new york? had a lunch with Jon and he showed me the seminary library: there was a reason why he was my another favorite person in my dept. I got a small package from Frank’s sweet mom, in which were two chocolates. had a nap at home and called the apple center. At the same time, i decided to buy a netbook even I might be able to save my lovely, old mac book. it’s time to pile up the credit debts. the afternoon architecture TA class was as usual too: i played my role as an Asian delicate doll, sometimes it’s interesting to see people’s reaction to that. a couple of years ago who would think of me with the word "delicate?" and i am still not, as my buddies know. deception. deception. deception.
730pm, classes ended. now sitting in the school library working on a 10-page paper need to be done by tonight 12. after that i am gonna have a late dinner before go to bed.
tomorrow i am gonna take a connoisseurship trip to the upper west side in the morning and a presentation trip to Boston in the afternoon. hope a really relaxing night in Boston.
the day after tomorrow i will take the first morning train for about an hour heading to my work and then take a four-hour bus back to manhattan that afternoon. time for a sat. night party.
the day after the day after tomorrow i am gonna fix my computer and buy a new netbook, with which i am gonna write two dept reports. oh how can i forgot grading those drawings!
why i have been stressed and have a hard time with my studies whereas everyone else seems handling it perfectly?
Is my IQ that low? or am I a stubborn perfectionist?
no, and no.
Song dynasty painting and Kano school paintings are the most prominent fields in the Chinese and Japanese art history, which means great difficulty, tons of literature and their nearly mysterious nature. Even for an experienced expert in these fields, the more one read, the more confusing one could get. Moreover, the connoisseurship problem could always, and have been killing the state of the field since the very beginning.
These two fields are distinctive from each other, so is the architectural drawings. Therefore, my ambition to master these independent fields plus pre-modern Japanese history in this semester seems too hard, especially considering I am taking western architecture too. also too many classes took up the time that should be spent in the library browsing over books to get ideas for the final papers.
when i have tons of work, any small event in my personal life could effect me tremendously, from a laundry card to a laptop.
the good things are, i dont have time to seriously upset with bitches, or to cry like a real doll. and, i made more plans than before.
tomorrow is another day.