NANA CAFE

Why most women, why you are creatures with narrow-perspective, selfish-blindness, and confused-mind? Why? Is it killing you to be a team player to get things done? Is it killing you to just for a minute not buzz around you as you are queen forever on the highlight especially you are nearly 30 years old?
Above are only a small part of words I would want to ask Ms Feng.

First, She just doesn’t want to people to use "her" database. Oh, my God, it drives me crazy, working for three years with a large amount of money; the database only comes out as "false-patch structure, and mass and few data" (I quote her). How can you use it as a damn excuse when you should be shamed with your damn horrible work? Three years, only 15 disorder-fragment-files. I do not need a database to do that; only a terrible poor IQ brain can do that poor work! Are you kidding me? Or are you killing me?

In order to "protect" her database, she came up with some real ridiculous methods, which are awkward, wasting of time and ultimately, nonsense. I stared at her, thoughts arousing in my mind: She is not only a tough person with edges but also a stupid person with poor brain and unclear logic.

When we pointed out the problems in her proposal, she began to attack the framework method; she began to against any ideas that not belong to her.

What disgusts me most is that she began to be emotional and rude manner. She used many insulting and offensive words and began to judge, criticize things in the past. We are sitting there with good manners except her.

Taken together, She is spoiled. She can’t get related to the environment and is a loser to both the practical society and academic field, so she just blames and hinders everything. She is losing her mind and she is insane. That is my conclusion.

Having figured this out, a decision came up clearly, just keep silence and ignore her words in the action, for she is not involved in the program, and she is just the representative of the failure past. I don’t want to argue with her about her crazy ideas, for it won’t solve the problem. . If this task failed she will not be charged but us, so I need to get things done despite her crabs. So I keep my silence and smile, and my thoughts just keep going on my way to the whole design.

Recently I am quite busy, and quite frustrated.
Monday, I forgot how to spend.
Tuesday, I went to Beauty Salon as schedule. I got a snap in it and a piece of sandwich in the patisserie. Back to school, I did not go to the philosophy class due to the task of arranging artists for assistant graduates.
Wednesday, the most frustrated day at the end. From the morning I got called and then we began the Framwork Design for the whole Archives project such as working standards, the HR structure… Due to Prof. Zhu’s leaving on Friday we need to fix them in a demanding time. I understood my duty- as the Project manager this week and the Assistant during the whole process, which means that I was in charge of the fundamental Framework Design.
During the Framing Design procedure the basic ideas came up clearer, and the concept began to turn into practical steps. The cruxial is the DATABASE. I need a method to gather the files that is, utilizing the Database structure to file the existed files and form the model for the updated files.
Although later I got some depressed information about the previous filing: nothing at all. To work with Prof. Zhu and Mr. Min is pleasant: efficient, easy to get related to, and clear.

At night, Prof.Zhu and I agreed that the crux of the Archives Editing is the database with which I really concerned and treat as a trigger of serious explosion, which may decimate the whole procedure. So in order to get a clear mind about the database we went to Ms. Feng and have a discussion.

And the disaster began.

From the end of May, I begin to get rid of something that haunted me more than 3 years.

Since August, I have changed a lot. English, GRE, YeYe, Job, art history, Japanese drama, Duanlian, Yanyan, Yangfan, damn pock…Then I realized some thing fade out of my life. The changes happened dramatically, I was entangled and almost lost myself. The result comes up when I talked with some peers I feel they are naive and I did not understand why I used to admire them for a quite long time. Also I feel the profound meaning of some words from my father, which I used to ignore.

The tough moment was before my GRE exam, I was really frustrated and losing my mind. I am a disaster at that time, along with wierd and horrible ideas.

Thanks to Dad I did not cross the line. Ultimately I come over the disaster, with a clearer mind. Nevertheless I still get a long way to go. Quite long.

In the seminar class this afternoon, I felt a sort of desperate. I am blind to the art history. What is Baroque, the common chic word of many teachers, exactly? I feel depressed not for the unkown thing but for the non-chance to learn.

 

I want to get a PHD in my life not for the scholar but for the whole life’s goal. I need the training, the pure, genuine training to be an "educated person".

I want to get a job as a curator or by-bidder working for the Christie’s.

I want to travell around the world and be a gourmet.

I need to go abroad.

Fancy facts. This Tuesday I missed a call as well as message from Ms Li, which informed me to go to department-singing activity because we get the scholarship and should distribute for the department. She is losing her mind, I am quite damn sure. What is the hell of that? I have nothing to say for it is ridiculous! Never mind, just treat it as a joke. It is a weird fancy.

Today I finally get connected with MSN. Oh yeah!

So I decide to reform the blog. It is a waste of energy and time to submit a new so-called personal diary since I already got an one on PC, so I will practice my English writing on this space and will also treat space as a cafe to some-level sharing with intimated and important friends. Therefore the blog is not as private as it "should" or expected to be. Who cares? It is my planet after all. Ah, I want to change the name: NANA CAFE. NANA is my favorite name, which I desired for a long time.

Taken together, I get 3 blogs: One is on my PC, the diary. One is still the old haunted-favorite secret garden where Duanlian and Father visit some times. The last one is this one which I will decorate it as a snug cafe. Sounds Perfect!

恩，坦诚的面对自己是第一步。

想要什么？

算了，明天再想，睡觉睡觉。

我想，从今天开始，有一些不一样了。。。
现在是１８日了。

我看了叶叶的blog。。。。shock
首先是她的英文，超好的！！！
然后我看到了另一个星球的她。那么远，那么深，接触的世界，心里的泡泡，完全是我所不认识的叶叶。说不惊讶就是骗人了。我一直以为，我和叶叶相处很久了，我很了解她的。

我很少羡慕别人的。我总是称赞别人，然后过自己的生活，悠然自得。但是这一次，叶叶让我有了一些羡慕呢。她的内心。恩。很充实，饱满而深。
我不敢留言也不敢评论，悄悄的admire，我不敢打扰她的世界。。。

顺便看了朱的blog，急急忙忙赶集的热情自信，满满的感觉。
从充实来讲，朱是生活充实，叶叶是内心充实。

自从上大学以来，第一年，我像一只陷落在网里的小飞，挣扎，撕裂，痛苦。第二年，冲锋陷阵遍体鳞伤。第三年，小蜗牛，慢慢的爬，不理会外面的世界，陷在自己的壳里与世隔绝。

看到叶叶充实努力的生活，那种动力，自信，坦诚，成熟，真的让我汗颜。我真是飘忽的懒虫，太小孩子了。。。。与她相比，我的生活像是呓语。

我从来没有那么多志同道合的朋友。志同道合，是这个意思啊。。心情有一点低落。

不过呢，今天醒来总比明天还沉睡强。蜗牛啊，小蜗牛，先伸出脖子来。挪动一步。

蜗牛目标１，认真准备GRE，认真一次。
蜗牛计划１，倒计时GRE，倒计时毕业
蜗牛计划２，每一天都要写blog

行动力！你欠缺的是行动力！
cheer up！跟上时代的步伐！