NANA CAFE

上学期以来目测年龄全是错的，至少都差上10岁。30岁的看成20，50岁的看成60，40岁的看成25，50岁的看成35，最离谱的一个是将70岁的猜成45。也不能全怨我，那位亚洲仙人脸色白润光泽，一丝褶皱都没有，光头红框眼镜和黑条背带裤闪闪诉说着时尚。反过来大家猜我大概都有27,8，听到才24岁时明显脸色发愣。
这学期碰见两位新教授，年龄又全部猜错。80的看成60，还有一位我一直以为50出头的今日看到简历快70了。
从心里深处向外崩溃。

想要学习却夜深人饿。急切的渴望廉价，油腻的垃圾食品又知道自己不能吃pizza，会吐。转悠来转悠去。突然发现中国快餐店的宣传单。
30分钟后。一边吃炒米粉一边喝配送的可乐，觉得it’s so good, not the food, but the feeling. 理解其存在的意义。

不过吃到一半的时候还是不由的感叹，果然是垃圾食品啊。。。。。

8月，东北三周，决定。

Slept for 3 hours and felt desperate, useless and hopeless in the morning, just as several other days.

Went to the writing center to craft the proposal; then head to meet with Prof. H.  he is super, super smart, and super, super gentle.  I threw out those floating ideas about the reconstruction of the traditional aesthetic in the 1920s Japan, as seen in Tanizaki’s text In Praise of Shadows, he continued with Watsuji Tetsuro’s books on the Nara Temple; then I mentioned something relating to the objectification of feminine beauty in this aesthetic, he provided a proliferate literature on this subject, especially in Tanizaki’s other novels, as well as in some other contemporaries.  Then I marched to the question of National narrative, and he threw out an extremely interesting point: the cultural reproduction of a particular aesthetic experience in the transitive period; that connects the theory with the facts…..which is really crucial to my argument.  Finally I mentioned the "chronotope" the relationship between space and time; and specially in contrast to the metropolitan living experience as a fleeting modern consciousness, the timelessness, and spatial experience is crucial for the construction of the so called "traditional aesthetics." he was so eloquent, so smart, and eventually he said, it’s all about play.  that is an amazingly striking word, from a person who applies Marxism into every little corner of the history and society of modern Japan.  a seventy-years old men, carrying tremendous books everyday, with endless thinking……

out of the building and took a deep breath in the chilly, crispy air.
huge amount of work, endless rationalization, skeptical attitudes, self-estrangement.  I choose to live in misery in order to function in a mechanical rationalization society.

headed to the UAH, to enter the lottery for the house swamping…. stupidity of the bureaucracy.
Today’s BBC news, the "Peterson in China" is interesting. a rare brighter tone, as if find a rich guy who would pay for the debt for nothing.

Hegal实在太牛了。。。死了那么多年，理论框架还罩着千秋万代万疆土地。
20,30年代的日本。。。。和辻哲郎、伊東忠太。。。。。觉得自己落后太多。
非常非常喜欢谷崎潤一郎的In praise of shadows，短而妙，英语翻译地回味无穷。
ginger cookies, tiramisu, puddings, fruit candies, honey, chocolate, chocolate moose, 一个晚上吃掉一张大脸盘的Cheescake。
每次上课拿出打印文章的时候，sipa的人总是掏出整本书，令人气愤。
发现了非常能好吃的pasta sausa, classico

Invention of Tradition
Nation/National narrative/national identity
Architecture/aesthetics/writing/
Marx/Webber/Luckas/Capital/Time

Architects’ writings on tradition/modernity, Architects’ research on traditional architecture before and the interwar period,
Writings on "aesthetics," why there cannot be sayings on aesthetics and why Tanizaki wrote on "aesthetics?"
connection between objectification of the feminine beauty in Tanizaki’s and the architect Yoshiya?’s metaphor of the female body as an architectural form.
Architectural history & National Tone: from Okakua’s display in Chicago Expo to Harata’s History of Japanese architecture, The attitute towards Edo architecture.
what kind of traditional architecture are selected and imbued with national character: Katsura, Chaya, Edo Castle,
Foreigners in Japan:  Bruno Taut, Walter Gropius, Arthur Drexler, Morse,
Japanese architects in Europe:  Ito Chuta, Maekawa Kunio,
Writings on traditional architecture:  Watsuji Tetsuro, (who is this guy on earth!!!)  Ito Chuta,
Case Study: Endo Arata

There has to be something, at least topics for three papers are hidden somewhere in those confusing, conflicting thoughts….. where are them!!!!!

冷的膝盖痛。
晚上愣拽了Frank去喝咖啡。真不想让他去日本，或者说真应该和他同一年去日本。加上许多其他因素，比如导师下一年也on leave，让我不断地在反省后悔我冬天犯下的IUC错误，不知道又要几年才能释怀。人生啊，真是一步走错就代价惨重。
晚上和池吃饭，聊天。
脑子里有很多facts, theories, ideas在漂浮，却抓不住个实质的东西来写paper，明日见吞拿鱼教授，怎么办啊。。。。
我的导师人很nice，上星期五抓狂向他求救推荐信，今天就给了我。
日本签证的事情弄的我上火。上火的想去换个citizenship一了百了。

早上起来看见外面还飘羽毛雪，惊讶又沮丧。套上雨雪靴奔波于各栋建筑物扫描打印签字递申请，虽然都是残缺不全的。
在图书馆遇见Frank，彼此很惊讶早上10点看见对方。他说一个周末他paper写了14页。我望着他：身长180cm, 瘦瘦又每天去gym work out, 不吃糖份吃水果，8小时睡眠，所有的作业都在deadline两个月前完成，学期最后一天准时坐飞机回去和恋人团聚。
突然之间我放声大哭，Frank你肯定不是超人超人都是救人的，原来你是圣人吗，边哭边把鼻涕眼泪抹在他的黑色围巾上，抹煞他那欧洲风情。
妄想来着。我抱着那想抹鼻涕的心情继续手忙脚乱雪天里乱跑直到中午和心理医生见面。越来越确认，少说也有五年，我是绝对需要心理医生时刻stand by。
下午继续写application，晚上去骗老师推荐信，明明deadline过了也摆手说没事没事您慢慢来。心底汗漫一层。

最近喝水进口三秒必呛。今天在图书馆呛的惊天动地，听起来像被人猛掐脖子。我也真差点呛死过去。自己都怀疑是食道肌肉萎缩症。。。。。
星期六看了点书。星期日写了一天日语，终于赶在deadline前一分钟交上不合格的稿。我羞愧的想撞墙。绝对不可以凡事拖到最后一秒，晚上冒着大雪出去扫描图片，结果图书馆关门被拦在外面，从头到脚都是湿的又无法完成任务，别提多惨。
星期一刚开始我又疲倦地不得了。
啊。。。。我不想学德语啊。。。。。

AM3:39，窗外鹅毛大雪。夜色昏红。
AM9:39,  窗外仍在鹅毛大雪，白天

下午一点睁开眼睛。梦里分到6×1 ft的狭长公寓，一张床伴着一整面玻璃幕墙。
起来煮了一锅味噌汤，一周里唯一想做点东西吃的时刻。
磨磨蹭蹭接着看In praise of shadows，时间仿佛停在某处。只有那些描述沙土质感的墙壁，清早的茅厕，微弱烛光下的漆器，和房间深处拉门上的金箔，还有黄皮肤，隐在层层布料里，只露出手，颈和脸的古老的女人们的文字，有如懒洋洋的呓语，低哑微妙的性感。
醒神过来已是傍晚，逼着自己出门到图书馆打印文章。恰巧遇到台湾师姐，便一起去吃泡菜饼，又从她家拽了两个卤包，最后去附近的Hungarian cafe呆到打烊。
和师姐在一起的时间总是愉快的。发现很多意识形态的俗语，比如"上纲上线""三光政策"。聊世界，学业，婚姻，理财危机，再分别看书。试图模仿她读书的速度，只晃的头晕。
读了篇短文章，得了很多满洲建筑的念头，考虑是留为以后还是现在就开始挖掘累积。

看完了praise of shadows。最后描述柿叶三文鱼的做法真是绝笔。都不舍得快读，一点点看，好像用舌尖反复品浸透郎姆酒的茶点。看着看着，昏黄的咖啡馆晃动起来，沉入水波里，大片大片的黑色的，浓厚的影子从壁灯的背后涌出来，漫过手臂，脖颈，漫入眼底，看的见对方玫瑰色的嘴唇，和笑涡的阴影，柔软到心里去。

我喜欢站在黄昏的お茶の水站台等JR，看着细碎的糅着人间烟火的河流飘向优雅的哥特桥洞。
我喜欢在傍晚的夏日余晖中活过来，伸展着圆润曲线的满洲旧楼。骑车飞快的掠过，眼光却已经抚过鱼鳞样细致的砖墙，落进阴暗，寂静的廊下角落。

这是一场绵长的恋爱。美好而疲倦，令人脆弱不堪又情愿永远沉溺其中。

German Expressionism
Le Corbusier
German
1920s Japanese Literature

-Frank Lloyd Wright
-Bruno Taut & Japan & Istanbul

终于看完导师书的第一章。睡觉去。却没了睡意。