actually, i had a very emotional day today. for the past three days, i have been working on the presentation on Schumacher, which reminded me of those fan-days. it was indeed my Seishun. those days when i was happy for every win, crying for every lost, and had faith on Schumacher. I watched him rising to the champion step by step, firmly and with lots of failures. In those years when he grew up into a strong, mature genius, I turned into a totally different person, far from where i expected. I am really glad that he was besides me as the pole for my direction.
I do miss those days. and i do miss new york. those days when i tried so hard to survive. those sleepless nights working on the papers, thinking of my life and crying. i miss chi, jia, my friends, who talked with me about every single piece of interesting things during dinner, cafe times. i do miss the spring sitting under that apple blossom. spring in nyc is the best and i should be looking forward to the spring in tokyo. i am still scared about my future, if i can find a job, or about my life, if i am really rational enough to be a scholar or smart enough to write articles, books in english. i couldn’t even finish the deadlines at the school, and if i can meet someone, whom i not only like, but actually love. to be honest, i gave up on that though.
anyway, i have to try, not just sinking in the quiet, still depression, but like in nyc, try to live a busy life with a positive attitude. be a Spring person.