Japan Day 175th: How much have I grown and changed

昨天做Schumacher的presentation,感叹青春不再。今日又翻看过去的相册,两年在纽约,我变了多少。

两年纽约,我活的很努力,努力看书,努力生活,努力塑造自己。相比之下,日本生活的太松懈,被动,以及消极。不知是好还是坏,我确是觉得自己内心的哪里一去不复返的变掉了。也许是奔的劲头没了的缘故,这一年脸面表情老的厉害。Space搬家之后,我就很少上传照片了。这不好。

今日大晴天。要积极的生活。多看书,少喝酒,多运动,少看电视。多外出,少与人八卦。在30岁之前努力奋斗。

actually, i had a very emotional day today. for the past three days, i have been working on the presentation on Schumacher, which reminded me of those fan-days. it was indeed my Seishun. those days when i was happy for every win, crying for every lost, and had faith on Schumacher. I watched him rising to the champion step by step, firmly and with lots of failures. In those years when he grew up into a strong, mature genius, I turned into a totally different person, far from where i expected. I am really glad that he was besides me as the pole for my direction.

I do miss those days. and i do miss new york. those days when  i tried so hard to survive. those sleepless nights working on the papers, thinking of my life and crying. i miss chi, jia, my friends, who talked with me about every single piece of interesting things during dinner, cafe times. i do miss the spring sitting under that apple blossom. spring in nyc is the best and i should be looking forward to the spring in tokyo. i am still scared about my future, if i can find a job, or about my life, if i am really rational enough to be a scholar or smart enough to write articles, books in english. i couldn’t even finish the deadlines at the school, and if i can meet someone, whom i not only like, but actually love. to be honest, i gave up on that though.

anyway, i have to try, not just sinking in the quiet, still depression, but like in nyc, try to live a busy life with a positive attitude. be a Spring person.

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About GloriaYuYANG

art historian, writer, a dog person, NYC-resident (not new yorker), a ph.d student of Japanese art and architecture,
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