desperate really and deeply

My GRE score came out and I fell into the abysmal desperate. It is hell, I don’t know what is wrong with everything, the moment I just feel happy about something, I just feel cheering up in my future, I just feel I am moving on. However, suddenly, things just happened. Last night I was desperate, hopeless, miserably. I gave up applying for USA, I did not know what it will bring to my future. I talked with my father, twice. And I felt his hopeless beneath the calm. He is a great father. I felt shame on me. What have I done to him, during so many years living desperate life, what he really wants he gave up for my sake, what he really hates he bear it for my sake, what he fights for just be destroyed by that woman, what he hopes just be blowed up by me. When will that day come, the day, when expected to come after June next year I go to USA, he can spend whole day fishing and basking, cooking the seafood in a house near the sea. I don’t want to be the person caught with the wrong elevator and struggle painfully and desperately. I don’t know what to do. really. The last sentence from the coda of animation" The Starting Point" came up. May be tomorrow I am still a pretty shark with a energic smile. Not today night. What was worse, I made my father desperate and I am not able to help this whole thing out, for I am the one who screw up.

About GloriaYuYANG

art historian, writer


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